I have nothing!

Oh, woe is me. That is, btw, linguistically incorrect. Woe is I. Which sounds ridiculous. Anyway... I am sitting here, and I have come to the realization that I have nothing and no one. I mean, my husband is punishing me for sleeping on the couch last night, I guess. Since he hasn't spoken to me today. You know what? I don't really care. I am beyond giving a shit right now. Our amazing son was trying to read last night and HE couldn't tear himself away from his game to see that in action. WTF? He did come in and watch, but then he started butting in and I was sorry I called attention to it.

I am very excited about the potential tax return and getting some of these bills paid off. And I was serious about needing moving expenses, too. However, I can't make too many plans to do something drastic until I know for sure that I have a job after Q1. I mean, it's a possibility that I won't, right? Suck, but true. And that would leave me with a P/T job at Borders. Which would actually be okay, if I were to work there full time in the interim. Pay isn't so great, but if I were to become part of IPT, that would be alright.

So what was I saying? Oh, right... I have nothing. I mean, look... Here I sit. My best friend complains that we don't talk, but she never reaches out for email, and I'm tired of doing it. Does that make me a bad friend? Maybe. I'll reach out to her. I have emailed another friend today, and have been ignored. Maybe I'll try a different one. Am I such a bad person? Am I that forgettable? I think that might be it. I don't have a spark. I'm too fat. I'm not pretty enough. I'm funny, but more so in person than via email. I can't figure out when I started to suck so bad. Why can't I quit eating crap? Why am I still so fat and gaining? Why am I unhappy in my marriage? Will being alone help me be a happier person? I wish Adam happiness as well, but I have no idea if he'll find it either.